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Ask Mark: Number One

Friday 20th of January 2006

Mark is a sage. He understands personalities and life and is the type you can sit and talk to for hours and hours. I have solicited questions for him from ladies who want real answers. Feel free to submit future questions for him at askmark@simplesocialgraces.com . Mark is the current singer of Das Oath, member of Virgin Mega Whore and proprietor of Youth Attack Records. He was also the front person of Charles Bronson. And everyone knows, Charles Bronson rules.



Dear Mark,

What do you think about May-December romances? Do you think it's cooler for girls to date way younger guys or is it just as creepy for them as for dudes who date much younger girls?

Demi

Dear Demi,

Banging someone way younger is hot. Who cares of it's pathetic behavior for masking your own emotional mushroom cloud. May-December romances need to be embraced like a trend you just can't keep up with: Do all you can. As we mature, we become unknowlingly dated and pathetic to our peers. Eventually people will red flag you and become disgusted with seeing you alone. This is likely already a problem you secretly admit to yourself, which is why you're even asking me this. Mauling an 18 year old gives you, the wash-up, the euphoric illusion of being crafty, attractive, and "with-it". Of course in reality this actually
translates to
1. being socially incapable of real relationships with people your own age because
2. inexperienced younger people are impressionable and naive and therefore easier, which
3. perpetuates your escapist personality. It's creepy behavior, sure, but
who are you answering to, their parents? If the answer is no, then do it once, maybe three times. Savor the moment, but converse with them as little as possible. Remember: there is nothing to talk about because you couldn't possibly relate. And then, if you've come out of it with at least some shred of integrity still
intact, hit the eject button and bail.

Dear Mark,

Sometimes when I'm in a super serious scene with someone and I meet
someone new I get maniacal and think I should throw caution to the
wind and fuck it all up and go for it even though I simultaneously
feel truly in love with person number one. What are your thoughts on
monogamy? Do you think it equals patriarchy? Is there anything truly
functional about multiple relationships?

From,

Gloria


Gloria,
Wreckless and turbulant relationships define Love. Lose yourself in the passion (idealizing) and sex (passive self-loathing) and you will experience high's like you've never seen. All your eventual fighting and bickering will be constantly redeemed by the co-dependant and obsessive sex bouts you will have everytime you make up. You must keep in mind the sponteneity of lust works twofold: as quickly as it ignites, it will just as soon disappear. Monogamy tends to be a mediocre life for suckers, but great for people with low expectations of finding anyone better. Being exclusive with one person only really works when both parties are resigned from life in general, which is essentially worthless anyway. Snatch what you can and run for it. The role of the Obsessive Ex plagues
you regardless.

Dear Mark,

I've noticed that you have an ability to make social commentary
really funny but not in a bullshit saturday night live satire kind of
way but in a truly clever and observant and smartway. What's your
secret? Why don't others get a clue?

A fan,

Molly



Molly,
I've asked myself those same questions for years and have only come up with one answer: all things in life are watered down versions of what they intend to be.
It is this dissatisfaction with everything from friends and fucking to movies and vacation days that never live up to practical standards that i've come to
know only in brief glimpses. It is the continual all-around failure and disappointment on the part of humanity that i've learned to anticipate and
eventually translate the world's wide spread inefficiency into the only thing that is in fact real:

My Elitism.



Simple Social Graces